Dear MJ Readers,
I am 36 years old. I’ve known this guy for over a year now and when I first met him I felt like I’d been hit by a bus! Being shy and having not dated for years I kept how I felt to myself.
I couldn’t wait for family to see him, just to be able to look at him! We met a couple of times a week. I was stunned when he asked for my number.
We started texting each other and he asked had I liked him and how long had I wanted to be with him. We flirted by text for awhile, and then I felt guilty for not admitting I’d liked him for ages, having lied to him, so sent an email telling him how I felt, etc.
He replied to say he wanted to stay in touch but wasn’t ready for a relationship now. He said “this is not a no to anything happening between us, just a no to right now.” We kept texting/emailing and started instant messaging (chat), and the flirting continued.
I had been asked out by an older man , who I turned down, and when I told him he got jealous and said “good I’d hate to have to start k**lling” (he was not serious, he is not violent by nature).
We had arranged several times to meet, but it always got canceled, due to either me or him having contact with children etc, (always valid reasons). I had resolved that this wasn’t going where I wanted it to go and I decided to end it with him rather than get brokenhearted later.
Around his birthday I sent a message to wish him HB and he started a conversation, in which he mentioned he’s started seeing someone and that he did not want me to be too upset! I told him that I was happy, if he was happy.
A week or so later in another chat I asked how things were and he said “ok, but I still want you.” We met up 2 weeks (or so) later, this being the first time we’d seen each other in 8 months and he came to my house and we slept together.
I know its cliche but I’m in love with him. I am obsessed by him. I go to sleep thinking about him, wake up thinking about him; I can’t get him out of my thoughts. I’d drop everything if he asks me to and I would do anything for him. I am so desperate for him I even considered getting pregnant just so if I wasn’t with him, I’d have part of him to hold onto. I know this is totally wrong and not sensible but I want him, I need him – I miss him. I want more!
Please help. I feel like I’m going insane – completely crazy.
How can you fall out of love with someone?