How do you find the love of your life?
One of the most common questions in the emails
I receive from women is, when and how do I find the love of my life? Most of
the time it is accompanied by a paragraph or two about how time is passing and
everyone seems to be getting married but them or how only the wrong men seem to
be attracted to them.
I was listening to a call in radio show in
Lagos the other day and a woman called in, weeping over her current state of
single hood and lamenting the fact that she had not yet met the right man, in
spite of some special prayer that some man of God had done for her that
involved a bed, a calabash and a payment. She admitted that after the prayer
more men came her way but they were all wrong for her. However she said that,
it was getting so bad being single that if the right man didn’t come along in a
year, she was going to settle for one of the wrong men in front of her.
I recently spoke to a single woman who sought
my advice on finding love and I gave her advice that I am not sure she wanted
to hear. Let me start by saying that if there is a specific scripture that you
read five times that will cause the right man to manifest, I don’t know it,
(and I would be wary anyway) if there is a calabash that you can pull one out
of…once again, I can’t help you. However, this is what I believe…that you
attract what and who you are. You pull people into your life that reflect where
you are at the time. If your self esteem is low, you tend to attract people who
will reinforce that state of being, by manipulating you, exploiting you or
more. If you are not your best self, chances are you won’t get the creme de la
creme. I’m just being real. Someone I know, always says, you should ask
yourself “what am I bringing to the table?”
It’s like job hunting. If you look at yourself
and recognize that you only have a high school diploma and choose to stop
there, then you will only be eligible for the sort of job that hires secondary
school graduates. However if you recognize that you want more, and you are
willing to push yourself to go to higher levels in your educational journey
then you automatically position yourself for something better. Now of course,
there is a sacrifice involved. It takes time to get that next degree. Lots of
studying and personal growth. It isn’t necessarily easy. It is often hard work.
But its worth it.
A job is a job, in the worst case scenario,
you can quit and start over, however marriage is not quite so simple. If you
get married when you are at your weakest point and make a poor decision based
on your low self esteem or your lack of options and it turns out you are not
well suited with your mate, well, a bad marriage can be hell. I get a number of
emails from women in these sorts of situations as well. It is difficult (though
not impossible) to turn these situations around.
I advised the young lady that was so broken at
the idea of being alone and desperately seeking her prince, to stop seeking and
start focusing on herself. To stop looking out and look within and ask herself
Are you your best self?
Are you at the optimal state of education, health, image, spirituality? Are you
developed enough to be useful as a partner? Have you dealt with your baggage?
We are always evolving and growing so you can never be your complete best, but
are you at a good stage in your life? Are you moving in the right direction?
Are you getting totally whole? Are you healthy in body, mind and soul? Of
course we are all on a journey but you can aim to be your best self for that
particular time period.
Are you doing your life’s work? I find that
women who are fulfilled by the work they do, are typically less desperate when
it comes to relationships. Certainly they may feel lonely from time to time and
may desire a partner, however they don’t have that raw hunger that you
sometimes see in some women and as such they are operating from a position of
strength. Moreover, when you are fully engaged in your passion and living a
purposeful life, it is easier to make the right decision, because you then meet
someone who shares or can complement your vision and journey through life. If
you never take time to develop yourself and just focus on the external, then
you don’t even know what journey you want to go on or what life you want to
lead and when you get older, you may start to feel frustrated because you are
trying to evolve but the person you settled with, is not going in the direction
that you want to go.
Do you love yourself? This usually comes
easier when the first two are answered in the affirmative. When you have a
clear sense of your purpose and you are at your best then you can really get a
sense of your value and really love yourself and that reflects out into your
world and draws in people who will be loving towards you. When you love
yourself, it is easier to set loving standards and make healthy relationship
choices. The beautiful thing about life is you can hit the refresh button
whenever you like and make decisions to create a better life for yourself.
Decisions that will take you closer to the person you want to be and be with.
When people ask me how to find the love of
their lives? I often say, you find the love of your life by living a life that
This is why I started a workshop called
PassionSpark. I am holding one this weekend actually and I want to invite you
to register and come out. PassionSpark is not about the bedroom, which some
people seem to think but it is about finding your passions and purpose and
creating a spark in you that will fire you up to live and create your best life.
This workshop is a mix of a seminar, brainstorming, coaching, inspiration and
part networking. You’ll leave feeling encouraged, inspired and supported!
What would life be like if you were living
your dreams? Some passionpreneurs who are living purposeful lives will be
joining me this Saturday; Women like Ndidi Nwuneli, founder of Leap Africa,
Director AACE foods and Tara Feladurotoye, CEO and creator of House of Tara
cosmetics and Linda Ikeji, a blogpreneur and more.
Space is extremely limited though, so if you
are interested, don’t dilly dally, strike while the iron is hot.
email firstname.lastname@example.org or text 07056569959 for further information.
This is your life! Live it the best way you